The Being of Teaching

It is 10:43 a.m. Class begins at 12:35. I sit in the office looking at exam questions, listening to the staff meeting going on outside, drinking coffee and surfing a bit. Why? I have found that this place brings me peace when my insides are in turmoil. Listening to the department faculty discuss all the minutiae that goes into creating a class schedule and the competition with other departments for certain topics and courses, I have to admit I'm glad that I can sit in here and not have to go through that mind-numbing experience every week (at least for now). Still, even if I were required to attend these meetings, I love the teaching setting. I can come in when my anxiety is at its highest and just being present in this place brings me to a calmer, better place.

Today is a challenge that probably shouldn't be a challenge. Our primary purpose today is to review for the exam on Thursday. The students will have a significant portion of time to ask questions and then we will do some non-stress-inducing activity for the remainder of class--probably a video clip that illustrates a facet of family communication. A pretty easy day, but probably the most difficult day for me since the semester began and definitely since Lisa and I took over. I am terrified of answering questions in this class. I am not at all confident in my knowledge and so I anticipate being stumped when we open the floor. While it is a fear that may not have a basis in reality, it is very real in my mind this morning. It is funny, thinking on my feet and thinking out loud in front of people have always been strengths for me, but today I feel very uncertain. If I get through this, a major mental hurdle will have been overcome.

I spotted a job on the website for the state university in my original hometown. It is something that might fit me pretty well as a teacher, although they will definite look at PhD applicants first. That said, I think I might apply just to get my bearings and get my name in the mix. Of course, this means getting the thesis done sooner rather than later. That presents a challenge, but maybe a challenge is what I need right now. Taking the road of non-challenge hasn't accomplished much yet.

So, it is back to work on preparation and then on to class today. One more block in the building of a teacher.