Seven Days

What a difference a week can make. Last Sunday, I wrote that we were likely going to have to move out of our house. About six hours ago, the woman who owns our house called and let me know that there is a very high likelihood that we'll be able to do another lease for a year. So, it looks like we have a place to live and at the moment of her call, that seemed like a great gift and a tremendous relief. Funny how we are able to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory though.

I admit that I have spent a good chunk of the past week looking for housing and jobs, both here and in Colorado Springs. Carol and I have wanted to move back since we left more than 20 years ago and this looked like the season in our lives that made the most sense. But with the pressure of our housing lifted, Colorado seemed to take a step back. Except our hearts, and particularly Carol's heart, didn't get the memo. I knew she was happy to think about being back near family and close to the mountains, I just didn't realize how much it was getting into her system. She really wants to move "back home," whatever home is. (That is a post for another time, as it would take loads of space.)

So, I'm back to stuck. My kids want the stability of being here with their friends, in their schools, surrounded by familiarity. My wife wants nothing more than to be near her parents and brother and to have some emotional support after a year (and probably a lot more than that) of enormous pressure and responsibility of having to babysit me and make sure we are able to survive, financially and emotionally. She is tired, worn out, and in need of a change of scenery. If you are new to our story, you may not understand the gravity of that statement. I am the one with wanderlust. Carol has always wanted a place to settle in and put down roots. It seems that this is not the plot of ground she had in mind.

While we don't have to decide right now, and perhaps the decision will be made for us--you may have noticed that jobs are not easy to come by these days and a move would require some sort of gainful employment--my wife's needs and desires are important to me and I want desperately to figure this thing out. We'll see what is next, I suppose.