It has been awhile since the last post. Life has been crazy. First I got really sick with bronchitis, the cough from which is still hanging on. In the middle of that, my grandma in Missouri fell and broke her hip and was not doing so well. This led to a whirlwind trip to Missouri and back this week. In the midst of all that, I have been trying to do some writing with very mixed results as well as finishing the Basic Communication course I was working in and trying to find work for next school year...so far an unrealized dream. All that to say that writing on a blog hasn't been a high priority lately.
First, the annoyance. While I was in Missouri I had some Christian radio station on in my car. I could not believe it when the woman who was hosting in the morning spent about five minutes explaining to everyone listening that they should remember to pray daily for the guy who won American Idol earlier in the week, that he would be under a great deal of pressure in the year ahead! GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Laying aside the fact that I don't get why people are so into shows like this, what pressure is there in having your fifteen minutes of fame in the world of pop culture? This is insane! Pressure is losing your home. Pressure is facing torture and genocide. Pressure is fighting cancer or some other life-altering disease. Pressure is your child missing or your wife leaving. When someone goes on a stupid TV show and gets a recording contract from it, this is not pressure. So, go ahead and pray for this pop culture creation if you want, I'll hold my prayers for victims in Darfur, people who are homeless because of the economic crash and my friend who lost his wife to cancer a few weeks ago. Come on people, grow a brain!
Second, the realities of moving are setting in. Found myself in tears numerous times today as I shared in the worship encounter that is Woodland Hills Church. Quick tangent...WHC is going to open its doors in August for use as a homeless shelter. What megachurch is doing stuff like that? Another, among the many, reason I love this place. Leaving our church behind is among the most difficult parts of moving. Where else can I see a woman with Downs Syndrome dancing and raising her hands while we sing the Kirk Franklin song, "Imagine Me," on a typical Sunday morning? Woodland Hills has transformed church for me in this past year. It is hard to think of being 1000 miles away. Add to that the sorrow of saying goodbye to our daughter and parting with friends like Todd and Dawni and it is with a serious mix of emotions that we leave.
Finally, the thesis is coming along slowly. I am doing some analysis that I hope will be acceptable and demonstrate some level of intellectual credibility. Pray for me. I am pressing forward and will finish this. Or it will finish me. Either way, it will be done!
Congrats to Jenny, a friend from grad school, on making a huge life transition and moving to the Dominican Republic to teach this summer! I am so proud of you Jenny. I pray it is the continuance of the revolution that has become your life.
About Me
- pjbronco
- Spent nine months as a teacher in an urban high school and LOVED it! Unfortunately, school funding issues led to my unplanned departure. Looking to find the next job. Any ideas?
5 comments:
Or don't pray for me, as perhaps I am also a pop culture creation! Yes, I do see my own hypocrisy there.
Joe I have suffered for years with panic attacks. Mine actually started while I was in my teens, only at that time I didn't know what they were. In 1999, after a long period of stress, they started again...but they wouldn't stop! My life became on huge, long panic attack. I was hospitalized on three separate occasions...intractable nausea, diarrhea, passing out. Finally on my third admission to the hospital, I asked to see someone from psych. I got this fabulous advanced practice nurse who came to see me. He started me on an antidepressant and gave me the name of a wonderful psychiatrist. She told me that prolonged periods of stress will often "bring on" panic attacks. I had been having tremendous stress and on top of that Emily's father had broken up with me. I was averaging about two hours of sleep a night. I was losing five pounds a week...couldn't eat, I had constant nausea. The doctor put me out of work (I am a single mom) and I had to move back home with my parents and my three kids. The kids were still in school, so my dad had to gt up every morning to take them to school 45 minutes away!! I stayed with them for 3 months...I only went back to work because they threatened to cut off my benefits! I eventually got better...I still struggle with depression (in spite of my meds!) but I am happy to say that the panic attacks are gone (for now). Most of the time I don't think about them. I have learned that negative self talk is a bad thing. Yes, we all have shortcomings...and who knows your shortcomings better than you do? Who gives a shit?!? You are not lazy, weak...or any of the other crap. You are depressed and it is a chemical imbalance. It can be "fixed" with medicine and a different way of thinking. I have this great set of tapes from the Midwestern Center for Stress and Anxiety (I think that is the name). On one of the many nights that I was awake at 4 am, an infomercial came on about stress and anxiety...I thought God was speaking to me. I spent almost $200 on the complete set. It was worth EVERY penny!
I am not judging you, I Just want you to know that you are not alone...I hope some of what I have said will help you even if its just a little bit. When this is all over (it will stop) your true friends and family will still be there for you...as they always have been and always will be. I will keep you and yours in my prayers. You can always get in touch with me if you want/need to.
On Procrastination
(1) You don't have to achieve something spectacular--your life can be fulfilling regardless of the outcome.
(2) Action comes first and motivation follows, not the other way around. Five minutes of an unpleasant task can get you in the mood to do more.
(3) There's no rule that says you're entitled to enjoy difficult or unpleasant tasks; however, tasks are often much less difficult and far more rewarding than you anticipate.
- David Burns, MD
"When Panic Attacks"
I too can empathize with your frustration as you wrestle with anxiety and depression--it can be a lonely battle. Have you looked into cognitive behavioral therapy? CBT is drug-free and doesn't cost anything but your time and effort--and requires a little bit of courage. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I would highly recommend getting a copy of David Burns' recent book, "When Panic Attacks." You can probably find it at a bookstore for $10-15. The title implies a focus on anxiety, but depression is given equal time (Burns also covers panic attacks, in case Lori is reading). The book describes CBT and demonstrates it with many real-world vignettes featuring Burns' patients, who use it to manage--if not cure--their fears, anxieties and depression. You'll be able to relate to several of the patients. If you've visited psychiatrists' offices in the past, you'll notice that CBT is much more focused and goal-oriented. I find it to be much more practical. For some people CBT is a lifeline. I think it is definitely worth looking into if you haven't already.
Warm regards,
Joe, thanks for the encouragement and for being excited for me in this new adventure. Keep writing.
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