Steep Grade Ahead!

Another week, another new experience. This week it was grading essay exams. I got to design my grading rubric and grade two questions on the first exam of the semester. I didn't write the questions, which is perhaps a little tougher than grading your own questions. Still, the questions weren't foreign to me and it wasn't terribly difficult to determine what was essential in responding to each one. I will say, though, that the grading process was nothing like I expected it to be.

First, I can't believe how personally invested I became in grading these exams. I found myself angry, discouraged, disappointed, and at times exhilarated. While I tried to grade the questions in an anonymous and unbiased manner, I could usually tell whose paper I was looking at about a paragraph in. It was encouraging that in a month or so I have gotten to know these students well enough to recognize their individual thought processes. It was a burden, however, to keep from allowing personal feelings and expectations from entering the grading equation. I can see how that will always be a challenge when giving exams that aren't primarily objective in nature.

Then, I am anxious (not sure this is exactly the right word, unless by it I mean "experiencing anxiety") to track my attitude toward the class after this first big opportunity to see the quality of their work. There are approximately six weeks remaining for class meetings. I don't want the emotions I experienced while reading their essays to overtly (or covertly) color the way I feel toward the individual students, nor toward the class as a whole. It is important that I try to divorce my expectations going in from my behavior coming out. The classroom is still about the students learning and processing and not about me finding affirmation in my teaching brilliance!

Seeing Results

As this semester moves on, I get more opportunities to be involved in the teaching process in the classroom. It is a little unnerving at times but exhilarating just the same. I am never quite sure how to prepare and if what I have prepared will fly, but it is good to try my hand at various aspects of teaching. Yesterday's experience was enlightening.

I was given the opportunity to write the family interactions and to facilitate the interaction time. There are four family units in the class and the interactions needed to be specific to each family. It was important that the topic be strong enough that the students would be able to engage and talk for about 30 minutes. The interaction also needed to spark some level of revelation to the students in their family groups about who these people they portray really are. Cliches and outrageous scenarios are a temptation; cliches because they are safe and simple, outrageous scenarios because they force students to think outside their knowledge and experience bases. So the situations have to be forceful enough to prompt conversation but realistic enough to promote genuine family conversation and communication.

All in all, the experiment was a success. Three of the four family groups ran with the interactions and broke some new communication ground in the process. Real feelings came to the surface and there was a level of intensity that indicates that the experience moved them along in the learning process. There is still a group that seems not to "get it" and that can be frustrating, but for once I am going to choose to look at the success of 75 percent of the groups and take heart!

My next assignment is to prepare and present a section of the lecture for the next chapter on Tuesday. Tomorrow is exam day, so it is just a matter of attendance. Nice respite after the high-anxiety teaching experience yesterday.

Moments of Truth

It seems that each day is an opportunity for the fledgling teacher to learn something in the classroom. Yesterday we spent the majority of class in family groups in interaction. After the interactions, each group discussed what had taken place in their sessions and what they were learning about the family communication dynamic. The most difficult aspect of this experience was to refrain from stepping in and correcting or fixing their flawed understandings. My analysis/consultant ego kept trying to jump up and say, "Here is what you should be doing!" I am, after all, older, more experienced and more educated than these students who have just barely made it into their twenties. The problem is, if I jump in and fix them they will never learn to think for themselves or to process understanding through the experience. So if I am truly to teach, there are times I will have to use restraint and allow the students time to learn.

The other big event of the day was a review of my solo teaching experience with my mentor. She made numerous encouraging observations and comments. The problems I demonstrated and mistakes I made are correctable and not fatal. What was somewhat shocking was the discovery that I did some things in class that I don't even remember. I neglected to refer to my mentor, the professor in the class, by her name and referred to her as "her" and "she" instead. I think my uncertainty as to how the students refer to her made me a little nervous about my own references. I struggled with transitions, which is not surprising as I have always had difficulty developing transitions when preaching or giving speeches. I believe this is a result of being a fairly intuitive speaker. I depend on the vibe or the feel of the moment to steer things like illustrations and transitions. In the classroom, however, more planning might be necessary to keep from having a choppy presentation and frustrating the students. She also noted that I fell into a repetitive use of words like "stuff" when I got nervous and filled the empty space. I know better than to do that and can correct it.

Probably the issue that concerned me the most was the observation that I touched a student. I didn't realize I had done it that day, but was very conscious of it in the classroom yesterday (before our review). My years as a youth pastor and as a father enforced a habit of using touch as a means of confirmation or correction. I noticed in the class yesterday that I would reach out to "move" a student and before the motion became a touch would catch myself and pull back. It is not a conscious movement but it is apparently more frequent than I realized. This never came up in our practice teaching experiences in previous classes, perhaps because our "students" were our peers in the cohort or perhaps because they were people in my age demographic whom I didn't perceive as needing my understanding or guidance. While I'm not sure of all the explanations, I do know that it is a habit that I need to bring under conscious control.

Finally, we discussed the next opportunities for classroom leadership and teaching. I am looking forward to participating in these exercises as I work to determine my future in this field. Scares me to death, but excites me at the same time.

Ongoing Insights

After missing a class because I was sick, it was a little strange returning to the classroom on Thursday. Funny how missing one session can cause such a sense of disconnect. Still, it was nice to be back and to know that some of the students missed me. Go figure.

Thursday was the first time the family groups met for interaction. This is a unique dynamic about this class. The students are learning experientially. We do some lecture, there is certainly some discussion and material covered, but the nuts and bolts learning and application happens in a conversational setting in which roles are played based on research the students have done leading up to each interaction. They remain in these characters for the entire semester and see how they develop, grow and change in a family relational setting.

Obviously, each student excels in different facets of the academic experience. It is interesting to see how some who may not stand out in written work or classroom discussion are blossoming in the research and role play. This is an important observation for me. When teaching, we have to allow for learning exercises that enable each student to have an opportunity to shine. I was a good "tester" but not everyone is. I don't stand out in research but others do. So, I may have to teach outside my strengths but the goal is not to highlight my teaching but to expedite student learning.

One other note to pass along: Sometimes the process of study required for teaching can open up generate feelings in us that we're not ready to face. This is a family communication class. When we discuss family histories, communication patterns and functions, secrets and boundaries, there was some significant pain in the realization that my extended family has never communicated much. There are so many things in my family history that I know nothing about that it saddened me deeply to do the reading and research. It was painful. It appears there are moments in teaching when the teacher is reshaped. What a journey this is shaping up to be.