Reconciliation, Transaction, and Restoration

I am still in the process of writing my thesis. I am researching and writing about reconciliation (more specifically, racial reconciliation) as a rhetorical movement. It is a fascinating study, seeing the ways words create, define, and in many ways ARE a movement. In the course of research, I am reading a book called Hegel's Social Philosophy: The Project of Reconciliation. It is entirely too thick for me, but I do understand about every fifth sentence! This book, however, has prompted me to write what I have been wrestling with for quite some time now--my biblical understanding of reconciliation.

I (believe I) grew up in a church culture that defined reconciliation in transactional terms. Reconciliation is a balancing of the ledgers, making sure that we don't overspend our resources. The act of reconciliation between God and humans in the person of Jesus was simply a deposit into our account to put us at break-even. From there, the important thing in life was to keep my account balanced. When sin goes out, forgiveness must come in or else I will be overdrawn and the fee is really steep! I say I believe this was my church culture because I think there is always the possibility that I misconstrued what I was hearing. This may not have been the intellectual understanding of reconciliation in my group, but it was at least implicit in everything we learned and tried to live.

If reconciliation is transactional, then the goal is "equal rights." If I can, in a very legal sense, state that everyone has the same rights, reconciliation has been accomplished as the ledger is balanced. It doesn't take into account prior inequity but simply brings everything up to date and says, "Start here." Transactional reconciliation assuages the overdrawn by giving them a clean slate, a balanced bank statement. However, it does nothing to address the root of the problem.

I believe more and more that reconciliation is not essentially transactional, but rather is intended to be restorative. Restorative reconciliation intentionally looks at the causes of the imbalance and changes not only the account balance but also the way we think about our "spending." When viewing our relationship with God through this restorative lens, it means going deep into the roots of our separation and breaking down the barriers to heart relationship. When viewing racial reconciliation through this lens, we go beyond simply balancing the ledger. We seek to understand the pain and suffering of our brothers and sisters, to acknowledge and repent of the acts that have contributed to the inequity, and seek to live in ways that bring healing and redemption to both our individual relationships and the systems that create and support brokenness.

I'm not sure this is as clear as I would like it to be, but I hope it is the catalyst for conversation that will contribute to a genuine, passionate pursuit of reconciliation. Reconciliation that begins with Christ and extends to human relationship.

The Being of Teaching

It is 10:43 a.m. Class begins at 12:35. I sit in the office looking at exam questions, listening to the staff meeting going on outside, drinking coffee and surfing a bit. Why? I have found that this place brings me peace when my insides are in turmoil. Listening to the department faculty discuss all the minutiae that goes into creating a class schedule and the competition with other departments for certain topics and courses, I have to admit I'm glad that I can sit in here and not have to go through that mind-numbing experience every week (at least for now). Still, even if I were required to attend these meetings, I love the teaching setting. I can come in when my anxiety is at its highest and just being present in this place brings me to a calmer, better place.

Today is a challenge that probably shouldn't be a challenge. Our primary purpose today is to review for the exam on Thursday. The students will have a significant portion of time to ask questions and then we will do some non-stress-inducing activity for the remainder of class--probably a video clip that illustrates a facet of family communication. A pretty easy day, but probably the most difficult day for me since the semester began and definitely since Lisa and I took over. I am terrified of answering questions in this class. I am not at all confident in my knowledge and so I anticipate being stumped when we open the floor. While it is a fear that may not have a basis in reality, it is very real in my mind this morning. It is funny, thinking on my feet and thinking out loud in front of people have always been strengths for me, but today I feel very uncertain. If I get through this, a major mental hurdle will have been overcome.

I spotted a job on the website for the state university in my original hometown. It is something that might fit me pretty well as a teacher, although they will definite look at PhD applicants first. That said, I think I might apply just to get my bearings and get my name in the mix. Of course, this means getting the thesis done sooner rather than later. That presents a challenge, but maybe a challenge is what I need right now. Taking the road of non-challenge hasn't accomplished much yet.

So, it is back to work on preparation and then on to class today. One more block in the building of a teacher.

Vocation

A couple of weeks ago, I read the book Let Your Life Speak, by Parker Palmer. What a fantastic little book. Last year in The Teaching Craft class, we wrote response papers on the theme of vocation. I wrote with great certainty that not only was teaching not a vocation, but that there really is no vocation for anyone. I would just like to say, I was wrong! Of course, the caveat is that I was wrong because Palmer gave me a new definition and it is one with which I can agree.

Throughout the course of my adult life, I have had numerous jobs and ministry positions. While I have always complained about a lack of fulfillment, particularly in the field of pastoral ministry, one thing has been true. No matter what job or task I take on, I invariably end up using it as a conduit to teach. Teaching is not so much what I do as it is who I am. I love exploring new areas of knowledge with others, be they children, teenagers or adults. There is no rush quite as great as the one that comes when the lights come on in someone's eyes after helping them discover a truth that is new to them. There is nothing in the world like the "aha!" moment.

These two months in a classroom, gaining valuable teaching experience, have done nothing less than confirm my love and passion for teaching. I am honestly not sure what it looks like in the future. Still a little uneasy about the prospects of college teaching...it could kill my family and finances...but I know that whatever career path I pursue from here, teaching has to be at the heart of my occupation. Why? Because "teacher" is more than what I do; it is who I am.

Where Is My Net?

So the amazing journey has taken its biggest turn to date. Yesterday was my first day of teaching the class with a "replacement" teacher, as the lead/mentor prof had surgery this morning and is out for most of the remainder of the semester. Talk about things that were unforeseen at the beginning of this internship! I have known about it for a while now and have tried to prepare accordingly, but now that the time is here...WOW!

So, Lisa is an experienced instructor and very sharp. She has the knowledge and expertise to finish out the class and do a great job. The only thing lacking for her is relationship with the students. The way this class is designed--as an experiential learning project--makes relationship vital. That is one of the places that I come in. I know the class and have gained a level of trust and respect from the students and knowledge of the students. Together, we have the makings of a decent team.

I am writing the family interactions for now and will be lecturing tomorrow. Because I don't have a "day job" and Lisa's schedule is far more hectic, I'll be keeping some office hours and meeting with students as needed. Already had one meeting yesterday and another scheduled for tomorrow. It is really cool. I spent a lot of energy and adrenaline yesterday and came home on a serious high after what felt like a perfect day. Today, on the other hand, I can barely drag myself around the house and am having difficulty focusing. Like I said, I spent a huge amount of adrenaline yesterday and it is haunting me today. Still, I love what I am doing and look forward to what lies ahead in this internship. I'm guessing it is one of the best teaching internships anyone has ever gotten to experience.

One note about the last post: While I agree with my friend Greg Boyd (gregboyd.org) that the election of Barack Obama to be the next President of the United States is a huge milestone in this country and certainly a reason to celebrate for all people--most especially people of color--I also have seen the ugly racism and hatred that have been simmering under the surface for decades now being laid bare. All one needs to do is read some of the comment forums in newspapers around the country to know that there are people who haven't let go of prejudices and bigotry and that it isn't just out there in the backwoods but it is in the most mainstream places in this country's "heartland." That is why I stated, and still hold to the opinion, that this election has the potential to be an historic launching pad for race relations but it may be the thing that most clearly defines the divisions in this country. I really hope I'm wrong and that my pessimism is unfounded.

Oooh, Look! An Exit Ramp!

Taking a little side journey today, away from the teaching stuff for a bit and into the world of politics. I went into the election yesterday completely ambivalent. I have never been a fan of John McCain and I couldn't bring myself to vote for him. While not as personally turned off by Barack Obama, I don't trust the Democrats to have full power in the country so I didn't feel I could vote for him. For the first time in my life (dating back to my first vote--Reagan in 84) I went into the polling place not knowing the candidate I would select once in the voting booth. So, with misgivings about each of the two major party candidates, I placed a protest, third-party vote. Let's just say, my guy did not win. Still, I walked out at peace, knowing that I had not betrayed my conscience in this election.

I heard pundits declaring last night that the election of Obama sent a strong signal about how far we have come in the area of race relations in the United States. I wish I could agree with them. The fact is that there is one African-American governor in the country, and as of January 20th, no African-American senators. While these are not the only measures, I think it is a valid opinion to believe that this is an anomaly until proven otherwise. As a long-time conservative, it has long been my hope that the Republicans would put forward a strong African-American candidate but after watching the politics of fear and hate play out during this campaign season (first, he is not a Muslim and for those of you who would demean his heritage, yes he is Black), I don't see that happening any time soon. I thought it was heartening that people of color and young people finally had a candidate around whom they could rally (even if I don't agree with his politics) and perhaps it will engender hope for those who follow that anything is possible for them, but I think we have a long way to go before racial thoughts are placed on the back burner and people are judged for the content of their character and not the color of their skin.

I mentioned hope in the last paragraph and I think this is the most significant theme when seeking election as President of the United States. I can go back to Reagan and state with pretty solid certainty that the most consistent factor in the election of every candidate who ran on his own merits (I disregard Bush 41, as he was elected in 88 on Reagan's coattails and when he ran on his own in 92 was defeated) is principled optimism. Again, laying aside the divergent political leanings, Americans elect candidates who give them legitimate reason to hope: Reagan, Clinton, Bush 43, and now Obama. Republicans lose when they put up cranky old men like Bob Dole and John McCain and Democrats lose when they put up loony alarmists like Michael Dukakis, Al Gore and John Kerry. Wake up people, this is a communication issue and not so much a political one.

Finally, to go back to a point I have been making for months now: This election reminds me a great deal of 1992. In 92, Bush 41 had such high approval ratings that no Democrat with any realistic hope of ever being elected to the "highest office in the land" would even consider putting his/her name in the hat. Thus, when Bush's numbers started to plummet and the Dems realized that Clinton was their nominee, the general reaction seemed to be, "What in the world have we done?" They lucked out when Clinton remade himself into a viable candidate and President. This time, the Repubs looked at Bush 43's approval numbers and the strongest candidates chose to sit this one out. So, they start pushing McCain--the next old white guy in line--to the front and then, mid-summer it becomes apparent that with a strong candidate on the Repub side this would be a winnable election. Except...they had John McCain. Remember him? Keating 5 to righteous judge. Infringement on constitutional rights in the form of campaign finance "reform". Angry, seething, maverick who managed to try to pander to just about everybody during this career in the Senate and as a national candidate. Yeah, that McCain. He couldn't pull off a Clinton and now he fades into the sunset.

So, to close this one up, here is my wish list: First, I hope Barack Obama is a fantastic President and that he is able to bring sides together and lend some healing to the ugliness that divides our country. Second, I hope he is able to say no to the leftist fringe in Congress (Pelosi, Reid and their political kin) and govern in a way that says, "Yes we can." Last, I hope that in the next four or eight years, I continue to discover the untold joy of being a citizen of the Kingdom of God and get so lost in living out that Kingdom that in future elections I am untouchable. Politics won't define me any more.