For most of my life my parents, my teachers, my friends, my wife have been telling me I have a lot to offer, that I bring many skills to the game, that I am filled with potential. I am now 44 and am resigned to the fact that they are all wrong. I am halfway through a race in which I have no chance at winning. Well, probably more than halfway as I don't see any way that I live to 88, but you get my meaning. There is no way I will ever make a living, provide for my family, or make a lasting and positive impact on anyone or anything. I am, to borrow a phrase from my brother-in-law, a waste of skin.
I have applied for numerous jobs in the past few months. Not only do I not get the jobs, nor the interviews, I don't even get the letter, the call or the email telling me that I didn't get the job. I have tried getting hired doing jobs that require no education like working in a bookstore or opening the door and admitting people at the YMCA and still get no response. I guess that is common in today's economy so if that were the only problem, I might be able to handle it. But because I feel the need to do something, to get out of the house and be productive somehow, I put out some feelers for doing volunteer work...and was REJECTED! Yes, that is correct folks: I am not even qualified to volunteer.
So I am middle aged, unskilled and undesirable. I am a burden on my wife, my kids, my parents, the friends I have left and there is nothing to indicate that it is ever going to get better.
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2 comments:
First of all, you're not a burden. If you physically hung your arms around our necks and dragged your feet while we tried to walk, then yes, you'd be a burden, but as it is you aren't. Dad, if I thought you were as useless as you think you are, would I be trying so hard to get out to Colorado? You mean everything to me, to Aimee & Cole, to Mom.
Second, I can't promise that it's going to get better, but I have a feeling that it's going to get better. Whether or not you believe this, you inspire me every day to keep going and keep pushing to overcome my own issues - because you haven't given up on yours.
Jobs & even volunteer work don't make a person, Dad. Just remember that even though you might feel like you don't mean anything to the rest of us - you are the single most important man in my life and I love you. Please don't give up.
I realize that people never right things like this to have people say "no, no, you are worth something" but being totally honest, I know that I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for you working with me and giving me such an incredible example to follow! This church WOULD NOT be growing if it weren't for you kicking them in the but and getting them going, I know, they've told me! So, I want you to know that at least to me you are a hero and I'm pretty confident I'm not the only one who feels that way.
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