Took the dog out for a Christmas run today. It was definitely her favorite present and it gave me time to think. It has been a strange week, filled with reminders of the finite nature of this world and the thin line between life and death. It brought together some things in my mind that have been bouncing around for weeks now but not really gelled into coherent thoughts. Hopefully this will be coherent.
As God has been working on me in the past several months, I have had to determine what it is I truly value, where I find my meaning and purpose. While I have never been terribly committed to their teaching, this has brought a new awareness of prosperity preachers and a revulsion to the message they promote. So I want to raise a few questions, some from real-life circumstances, others just true to experience, to illustrate what I think are the shortcomings in this belief system.
If we believe that health and prosperity are the direct result of having the right faith in God, how do we comfort the college student who goes from healthy and happy one day to hospitalized and in need of a kidney transplant the next? What do we say in answer to her questions about the goodness of God when she has lived the Christian life as she has been taught it and now, with a recent engagement and in the middle of the Christmas season, life is turned upside down and she is forced to deal with her own mortality and the possibility of a chronic medical condition which places unnatural limits on her life?
If we believe that those who truly love God and give generously to his church will be given everything they need financially, what is our response to the 62 year old doctor who has foregone the country club and extravagant vacations to give to the poor and do medical mission trips for the last thirty years. What do we say when he tells us he was looking forward to retiring in a couple of years and spending the remainder of his life serving the sick, the poor, the broken and destitute in some of the most poverty-stricken regions of this world, using his knowledge as a doctor and his passion for Christ as a means of bringing hope to the least among us? How do we explain that thirty years of retirement savings have been swallowed up in one quarter of economic downturn and disaster and that retirement for him is now a pipe dream?
If we believe that we really can have our best life now, how do we face a father and his children who have had to say goodbye to their beloved wife and mother on Christmas Day, as she finally was not able to win the battle with cancer. Is there comfort available to them that won't trivialize the suffering that she experienced and the pain they feel so deeply now? What words do we have for the sons who won't have their mother at their high school graduations, to the daughter whose mother will not be here to help plan her wedding, to the husband who will someday hold grandchildren and feel deep sorrow that she cannot be with him to experience this unique and remarkable joy?
Jesus told us that in this world we would face trials of many kinds, that there would be suffering. This wasn't some promise to get us excited to test our mettle against the hardships of life; it wasn't a threat to keep us from stepping over the line and feeling God's wrath as a result of our poor choices and behavior; it is simply a statement of fact. We live in what can best be described as a war zone, where forces beyond our comprehension are at work to bring us into submission and destroy us, while God is meeting them at every turn and fighting on our behalf. Our world is at war and in war, there is suffering. It seems that the greatest pain in war is experienced by those who survive. For those who die while fighting, the war is over. The ones who live through the death and destruction carry scars that remain throughout their lives and the everyday events of human existence can often touch the sensitive spots of those scars and bring great pain from out of the blue. So how dare we make light of the war, the suffering, the scars and pain that others carry with them by implying that if they somehow had only fought their war better, they wouldn't be suffering like this today? Where do we find support for this distorted view of life?
Perhaps the best answer to these difficult questions is in Gabriel's greeting to Mary: "Fear not Mary, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women." You see, we have misconstrued God's blessing for American benefits. The real message of Christmas, the true meaning of the kingdom is that the blessing is the presence. While I can't prove this with any linguistic study of ancient texts, it does seem consistent with the pattern of scripture: the blessing of God is that He is with us, not that He gives us stuff. And if that truly is the point of the blessing, it is perfectly rational to say, "Fear not my friends--in sickness and in health, in life and in death, in prosperity and poverty--God is with you. Blessed are you."
Merry Christmas. Jesus is Emmanuel. God is with us. Blessed are we.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
I Love Woodland Hills
Another Sunday, another chance to fall in love. I find myself so excited to get going on Sunday mornings these days that I can barely contain myself. I was nervous that the roads might be bad today and was really glad when they were fine. I honestly don't remember a time when I was just so anxious to get to church on Sundays. It certainly wasn't the case when I was the guy up front. So, why is that?
The gathering area is electric. When we come in on Sunday mornings, the sense of anticipation is palpable. It may not be a place where everybody knows your name, but it certainly does seem that everyone is genuinely glad you're there. Not only that, but it seems that everyone around is glad to be there too. From the greeting at the door, to the small gatherings of people all over the room having intimate (and sometimes boisterous) conversation, to the person handing out bulletins at the entry to the worship area, the whole place just screams: WELCOME HOME!!!
The music is amazing. My heart starts to beat a bit faster when I see Norm head up to the stage area and get things going. There is something about his spirit, his attitude, his openness, that make it a joy to sing along with him. Add to that the fact that there are high-quality musicians up there, but they are not focused on production values, but rather on leading a bunch of people to a better experience with God. I love this. Even when I don't know the songs or am not really into the style (which is pretty rare), I love the feeling of worship with this group of people.
Greg is awesome. I've never been in a church where week after week I find resonance with the preaching. Greg Boyd is an incredible teacher and really smart. He also has a refreshing sense of love for and being loved by God. Add that to the fact that he is willing to be vulnerable and real and to play the doofus at times...I love knowing that this guy is my pastor.
It looks like God here. I look around and see people lost in wonder. I see people of various ages, races, economic standings and cultural backgrounds with this in common: we all meet God here through the worship experience and through the presence of His Kingdom in this body. Today I watched the woman who does the sign language interpretation as she danced while signing. I love that! Then I noticed the guy in the worship choir today who came on stage in a wheelchair and stood to sing with the help of a walker. And this is normal life at Woodland Hills. People dance, they sing, they raise and clap hands, they shout and cheer, they pray and they give. Occasionally they even break into a conga line! I see Jesus here, partying and praising for all he's worth.
I've been at Woodland Hills for about nine months and have seen my faith expand even as my life circumstances become less certain. I am thankful that there is a church like this and that I am fortunate enough to be a part of it.
The gathering area is electric. When we come in on Sunday mornings, the sense of anticipation is palpable. It may not be a place where everybody knows your name, but it certainly does seem that everyone is genuinely glad you're there. Not only that, but it seems that everyone around is glad to be there too. From the greeting at the door, to the small gatherings of people all over the room having intimate (and sometimes boisterous) conversation, to the person handing out bulletins at the entry to the worship area, the whole place just screams: WELCOME HOME!!!
The music is amazing. My heart starts to beat a bit faster when I see Norm head up to the stage area and get things going. There is something about his spirit, his attitude, his openness, that make it a joy to sing along with him. Add to that the fact that there are high-quality musicians up there, but they are not focused on production values, but rather on leading a bunch of people to a better experience with God. I love this. Even when I don't know the songs or am not really into the style (which is pretty rare), I love the feeling of worship with this group of people.
Greg is awesome. I've never been in a church where week after week I find resonance with the preaching. Greg Boyd is an incredible teacher and really smart. He also has a refreshing sense of love for and being loved by God. Add that to the fact that he is willing to be vulnerable and real and to play the doofus at times...I love knowing that this guy is my pastor.
It looks like God here. I look around and see people lost in wonder. I see people of various ages, races, economic standings and cultural backgrounds with this in common: we all meet God here through the worship experience and through the presence of His Kingdom in this body. Today I watched the woman who does the sign language interpretation as she danced while signing. I love that! Then I noticed the guy in the worship choir today who came on stage in a wheelchair and stood to sing with the help of a walker. And this is normal life at Woodland Hills. People dance, they sing, they raise and clap hands, they shout and cheer, they pray and they give. Occasionally they even break into a conga line! I see Jesus here, partying and praising for all he's worth.
I've been at Woodland Hills for about nine months and have seen my faith expand even as my life circumstances become less certain. I am thankful that there is a church like this and that I am fortunate enough to be a part of it.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The End of the Class as We Know It
We're down to one week and what a journey it has been. Yesterday's class was a great snapshot of what this semester has been and what teaching probably looks like. We went in with a plan and a schedule for the one hour, forty minute classroom encounter. The first five to ten minutes went just about as planned. Yeah, the first 5 to 10 minutes. Then things began to get interesting. The first group was supposed to debrief for about fifteen minutes, but it became a half-hour of digging deeper, helping them to figure out who they have been and become throughout this "family" experience. While it wasn't in our plans, it was a great benefit to the family group and the class. When added to the second family debriefing, about 2/3 of class was gone and we hadn't lectured or discussed the final. And we never did.
One student had a question during the break about how you find things to talk about after you're married. This grew to a discussion with his family group and finally took over the remainder of the class time with the whole class. It was an amazing opportunity to use the things we learned over the course of a semester as a lens through which to view family life in the real world. Not exactly where we intended to go, but what a great learning/teaching interaction.
This means that on Thursday, we have to do a quick walk-through of the final exam so the students can work on the exam together for the rest of the class. Again, not the idea we entered with, but worth it if this class becomes something more than some credits on the transcripts of twenty graduating seniors.
One student had a question during the break about how you find things to talk about after you're married. This grew to a discussion with his family group and finally took over the remainder of the class time with the whole class. It was an amazing opportunity to use the things we learned over the course of a semester as a lens through which to view family life in the real world. Not exactly where we intended to go, but what a great learning/teaching interaction.
This means that on Thursday, we have to do a quick walk-through of the final exam so the students can work on the exam together for the rest of the class. Again, not the idea we entered with, but worth it if this class becomes something more than some credits on the transcripts of twenty graduating seniors.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Reconciliation, Transaction, and Restoration
I am still in the process of writing my thesis. I am researching and writing about reconciliation (more specifically, racial reconciliation) as a rhetorical movement. It is a fascinating study, seeing the ways words create, define, and in many ways ARE a movement. In the course of research, I am reading a book called Hegel's Social Philosophy: The Project of Reconciliation. It is entirely too thick for me, but I do understand about every fifth sentence! This book, however, has prompted me to write what I have been wrestling with for quite some time now--my biblical understanding of reconciliation.
I (believe I) grew up in a church culture that defined reconciliation in transactional terms. Reconciliation is a balancing of the ledgers, making sure that we don't overspend our resources. The act of reconciliation between God and humans in the person of Jesus was simply a deposit into our account to put us at break-even. From there, the important thing in life was to keep my account balanced. When sin goes out, forgiveness must come in or else I will be overdrawn and the fee is really steep! I say I believe this was my church culture because I think there is always the possibility that I misconstrued what I was hearing. This may not have been the intellectual understanding of reconciliation in my group, but it was at least implicit in everything we learned and tried to live.
If reconciliation is transactional, then the goal is "equal rights." If I can, in a very legal sense, state that everyone has the same rights, reconciliation has been accomplished as the ledger is balanced. It doesn't take into account prior inequity but simply brings everything up to date and says, "Start here." Transactional reconciliation assuages the overdrawn by giving them a clean slate, a balanced bank statement. However, it does nothing to address the root of the problem.
I believe more and more that reconciliation is not essentially transactional, but rather is intended to be restorative. Restorative reconciliation intentionally looks at the causes of the imbalance and changes not only the account balance but also the way we think about our "spending." When viewing our relationship with God through this restorative lens, it means going deep into the roots of our separation and breaking down the barriers to heart relationship. When viewing racial reconciliation through this lens, we go beyond simply balancing the ledger. We seek to understand the pain and suffering of our brothers and sisters, to acknowledge and repent of the acts that have contributed to the inequity, and seek to live in ways that bring healing and redemption to both our individual relationships and the systems that create and support brokenness.
I'm not sure this is as clear as I would like it to be, but I hope it is the catalyst for conversation that will contribute to a genuine, passionate pursuit of reconciliation. Reconciliation that begins with Christ and extends to human relationship.
I (believe I) grew up in a church culture that defined reconciliation in transactional terms. Reconciliation is a balancing of the ledgers, making sure that we don't overspend our resources. The act of reconciliation between God and humans in the person of Jesus was simply a deposit into our account to put us at break-even. From there, the important thing in life was to keep my account balanced. When sin goes out, forgiveness must come in or else I will be overdrawn and the fee is really steep! I say I believe this was my church culture because I think there is always the possibility that I misconstrued what I was hearing. This may not have been the intellectual understanding of reconciliation in my group, but it was at least implicit in everything we learned and tried to live.
If reconciliation is transactional, then the goal is "equal rights." If I can, in a very legal sense, state that everyone has the same rights, reconciliation has been accomplished as the ledger is balanced. It doesn't take into account prior inequity but simply brings everything up to date and says, "Start here." Transactional reconciliation assuages the overdrawn by giving them a clean slate, a balanced bank statement. However, it does nothing to address the root of the problem.
I believe more and more that reconciliation is not essentially transactional, but rather is intended to be restorative. Restorative reconciliation intentionally looks at the causes of the imbalance and changes not only the account balance but also the way we think about our "spending." When viewing our relationship with God through this restorative lens, it means going deep into the roots of our separation and breaking down the barriers to heart relationship. When viewing racial reconciliation through this lens, we go beyond simply balancing the ledger. We seek to understand the pain and suffering of our brothers and sisters, to acknowledge and repent of the acts that have contributed to the inequity, and seek to live in ways that bring healing and redemption to both our individual relationships and the systems that create and support brokenness.
I'm not sure this is as clear as I would like it to be, but I hope it is the catalyst for conversation that will contribute to a genuine, passionate pursuit of reconciliation. Reconciliation that begins with Christ and extends to human relationship.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
The Being of Teaching
It is 10:43 a.m. Class begins at 12:35. I sit in the office looking at exam questions, listening to the staff meeting going on outside, drinking coffee and surfing a bit. Why? I have found that this place brings me peace when my insides are in turmoil. Listening to the department faculty discuss all the minutiae that goes into creating a class schedule and the competition with other departments for certain topics and courses, I have to admit I'm glad that I can sit in here and not have to go through that mind-numbing experience every week (at least for now). Still, even if I were required to attend these meetings, I love the teaching setting. I can come in when my anxiety is at its highest and just being present in this place brings me to a calmer, better place.
Today is a challenge that probably shouldn't be a challenge. Our primary purpose today is to review for the exam on Thursday. The students will have a significant portion of time to ask questions and then we will do some non-stress-inducing activity for the remainder of class--probably a video clip that illustrates a facet of family communication. A pretty easy day, but probably the most difficult day for me since the semester began and definitely since Lisa and I took over. I am terrified of answering questions in this class. I am not at all confident in my knowledge and so I anticipate being stumped when we open the floor. While it is a fear that may not have a basis in reality, it is very real in my mind this morning. It is funny, thinking on my feet and thinking out loud in front of people have always been strengths for me, but today I feel very uncertain. If I get through this, a major mental hurdle will have been overcome.
I spotted a job on the website for the state university in my original hometown. It is something that might fit me pretty well as a teacher, although they will definite look at PhD applicants first. That said, I think I might apply just to get my bearings and get my name in the mix. Of course, this means getting the thesis done sooner rather than later. That presents a challenge, but maybe a challenge is what I need right now. Taking the road of non-challenge hasn't accomplished much yet.
So, it is back to work on preparation and then on to class today. One more block in the building of a teacher.
Today is a challenge that probably shouldn't be a challenge. Our primary purpose today is to review for the exam on Thursday. The students will have a significant portion of time to ask questions and then we will do some non-stress-inducing activity for the remainder of class--probably a video clip that illustrates a facet of family communication. A pretty easy day, but probably the most difficult day for me since the semester began and definitely since Lisa and I took over. I am terrified of answering questions in this class. I am not at all confident in my knowledge and so I anticipate being stumped when we open the floor. While it is a fear that may not have a basis in reality, it is very real in my mind this morning. It is funny, thinking on my feet and thinking out loud in front of people have always been strengths for me, but today I feel very uncertain. If I get through this, a major mental hurdle will have been overcome.
I spotted a job on the website for the state university in my original hometown. It is something that might fit me pretty well as a teacher, although they will definite look at PhD applicants first. That said, I think I might apply just to get my bearings and get my name in the mix. Of course, this means getting the thesis done sooner rather than later. That presents a challenge, but maybe a challenge is what I need right now. Taking the road of non-challenge hasn't accomplished much yet.
So, it is back to work on preparation and then on to class today. One more block in the building of a teacher.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Vocation
A couple of weeks ago, I read the book Let Your Life Speak, by Parker Palmer. What a fantastic little book. Last year in The Teaching Craft class, we wrote response papers on the theme of vocation. I wrote with great certainty that not only was teaching not a vocation, but that there really is no vocation for anyone. I would just like to say, I was wrong! Of course, the caveat is that I was wrong because Palmer gave me a new definition and it is one with which I can agree.
Throughout the course of my adult life, I have had numerous jobs and ministry positions. While I have always complained about a lack of fulfillment, particularly in the field of pastoral ministry, one thing has been true. No matter what job or task I take on, I invariably end up using it as a conduit to teach. Teaching is not so much what I do as it is who I am. I love exploring new areas of knowledge with others, be they children, teenagers or adults. There is no rush quite as great as the one that comes when the lights come on in someone's eyes after helping them discover a truth that is new to them. There is nothing in the world like the "aha!" moment.
These two months in a classroom, gaining valuable teaching experience, have done nothing less than confirm my love and passion for teaching. I am honestly not sure what it looks like in the future. Still a little uneasy about the prospects of college teaching...it could kill my family and finances...but I know that whatever career path I pursue from here, teaching has to be at the heart of my occupation. Why? Because "teacher" is more than what I do; it is who I am.
Throughout the course of my adult life, I have had numerous jobs and ministry positions. While I have always complained about a lack of fulfillment, particularly in the field of pastoral ministry, one thing has been true. No matter what job or task I take on, I invariably end up using it as a conduit to teach. Teaching is not so much what I do as it is who I am. I love exploring new areas of knowledge with others, be they children, teenagers or adults. There is no rush quite as great as the one that comes when the lights come on in someone's eyes after helping them discover a truth that is new to them. There is nothing in the world like the "aha!" moment.
These two months in a classroom, gaining valuable teaching experience, have done nothing less than confirm my love and passion for teaching. I am honestly not sure what it looks like in the future. Still a little uneasy about the prospects of college teaching...it could kill my family and finances...but I know that whatever career path I pursue from here, teaching has to be at the heart of my occupation. Why? Because "teacher" is more than what I do; it is who I am.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Where Is My Net?
So the amazing journey has taken its biggest turn to date. Yesterday was my first day of teaching the class with a "replacement" teacher, as the lead/mentor prof had surgery this morning and is out for most of the remainder of the semester. Talk about things that were unforeseen at the beginning of this internship! I have known about it for a while now and have tried to prepare accordingly, but now that the time is here...WOW!
So, Lisa is an experienced instructor and very sharp. She has the knowledge and expertise to finish out the class and do a great job. The only thing lacking for her is relationship with the students. The way this class is designed--as an experiential learning project--makes relationship vital. That is one of the places that I come in. I know the class and have gained a level of trust and respect from the students and knowledge of the students. Together, we have the makings of a decent team.
I am writing the family interactions for now and will be lecturing tomorrow. Because I don't have a "day job" and Lisa's schedule is far more hectic, I'll be keeping some office hours and meeting with students as needed. Already had one meeting yesterday and another scheduled for tomorrow. It is really cool. I spent a lot of energy and adrenaline yesterday and came home on a serious high after what felt like a perfect day. Today, on the other hand, I can barely drag myself around the house and am having difficulty focusing. Like I said, I spent a huge amount of adrenaline yesterday and it is haunting me today. Still, I love what I am doing and look forward to what lies ahead in this internship. I'm guessing it is one of the best teaching internships anyone has ever gotten to experience.
One note about the last post: While I agree with my friend Greg Boyd (gregboyd.org) that the election of Barack Obama to be the next President of the United States is a huge milestone in this country and certainly a reason to celebrate for all people--most especially people of color--I also have seen the ugly racism and hatred that have been simmering under the surface for decades now being laid bare. All one needs to do is read some of the comment forums in newspapers around the country to know that there are people who haven't let go of prejudices and bigotry and that it isn't just out there in the backwoods but it is in the most mainstream places in this country's "heartland." That is why I stated, and still hold to the opinion, that this election has the potential to be an historic launching pad for race relations but it may be the thing that most clearly defines the divisions in this country. I really hope I'm wrong and that my pessimism is unfounded.
So, Lisa is an experienced instructor and very sharp. She has the knowledge and expertise to finish out the class and do a great job. The only thing lacking for her is relationship with the students. The way this class is designed--as an experiential learning project--makes relationship vital. That is one of the places that I come in. I know the class and have gained a level of trust and respect from the students and knowledge of the students. Together, we have the makings of a decent team.
I am writing the family interactions for now and will be lecturing tomorrow. Because I don't have a "day job" and Lisa's schedule is far more hectic, I'll be keeping some office hours and meeting with students as needed. Already had one meeting yesterday and another scheduled for tomorrow. It is really cool. I spent a lot of energy and adrenaline yesterday and came home on a serious high after what felt like a perfect day. Today, on the other hand, I can barely drag myself around the house and am having difficulty focusing. Like I said, I spent a huge amount of adrenaline yesterday and it is haunting me today. Still, I love what I am doing and look forward to what lies ahead in this internship. I'm guessing it is one of the best teaching internships anyone has ever gotten to experience.
One note about the last post: While I agree with my friend Greg Boyd (gregboyd.org) that the election of Barack Obama to be the next President of the United States is a huge milestone in this country and certainly a reason to celebrate for all people--most especially people of color--I also have seen the ugly racism and hatred that have been simmering under the surface for decades now being laid bare. All one needs to do is read some of the comment forums in newspapers around the country to know that there are people who haven't let go of prejudices and bigotry and that it isn't just out there in the backwoods but it is in the most mainstream places in this country's "heartland." That is why I stated, and still hold to the opinion, that this election has the potential to be an historic launching pad for race relations but it may be the thing that most clearly defines the divisions in this country. I really hope I'm wrong and that my pessimism is unfounded.
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