Survival. Not always the easiest thing. I have been struggling to keep afloat of late. Years of depression and self-loathing have come to a head and now I am trying to figure things out. A new experience: anxiety attacks with tightness in my chest, trouble breathing, irrational fear of much that is familiar. It is probably the toughest battle of my life. I have no idea what the outcome will be.

Add to that the Mack truck that is this season's flu bug. Going on three weeks feeling lousy. That doesn't help with the mental stuff.

I am on an indefinite leave-of-absence from my position, going to church at a semi-local megachurch and doing a lot of talking, thinking, processing. The road to being right seems long and uncertain. Finding God in the middle of all this would be really nice.